I have struggled greatly with the decision to allow myself to write this Blog and for it to be posted on our Searching for Grey page. Although my blogs and story may seem like much to some, they are nothing compared to what I am about to share regarding sexual abuse. I would suggest that, if you are prone to shielding yourself from the horrors of this world, if you cannot bear to be shocked and rawness offends you, then please sign off and discontinue reading.
In order for me to write my Blogs on here, I pull from many sources. Most of my writing is based on personal accounts of my own experiences. I try to educate with teaching blogs as to the symptoms of mental disorders, how to recover and live through the types of things those of us who suffer from mental disorders go through. I am online a lot and I sometimes do, what I call, go through the “door of darkness” to places most of you would never go. I read blogs and Instagram accounts of those in the trenches of Hell. I do not do this for fun, but rather to realize and come face to face with what people like me, BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, are living with and go through. It keeps me on my toes and is somewhat of an encouragement to me to see how far I have come in my own personal journey, and shows me what my journey could have been like if not for the intervention of a deity that I call and know as Jesus Christ. There was an invisible line drawn long ago, where God intervened in my life and literally saved me and delivered me from the darkness.
I have had the privilege and ability of being afforded a support system when I married my husband of over 30 years and was led to the foot of the cross of Christ, along with my family. I chose and had the ability to go to counseling, take my psychiatric medication and drag myself OUT of the darkness that surrounded me throughout my entire childhood and teenage years. Mind you, I have endured much, I have seen much, but never to the extent I am about to share with you who choose to read this.
This past week, I came about the page of Dr. John A. King. I am quoting from his website:
“#dealwithit (one of the books he wrote) is the honest, raw, not-safe-for-work account of Dr. John A King trying to piece his life back together, move forward and thrive after the spontaneous recall of over a decade of childhood sexual abuse by his parents and their friends. This recall event...was followed by the immediate onset of Complex Post Traumatic Stress, which led to the loss of his marriage, career and health. This book shares John’s (very) gritty process of rebuilding his life...it is the perfect book for anyone who is getting up to go again, or is in the middle of the fight and just needs to hear, “You can make it”. Dr. John A. King is an Activist, Author, Poet, Speaker and a SURVIVOR. His story is also featured in a Stopping (Sex) Trafficking movie.”
Out of his journey grew the Give Them A Voice Foundation. It aims towards the Advocacy, Resourcing and Rescue to those that have been abused and trafficked. To connect with Dr. King:
The Give Them a Voice Foundation is based out of Grapevine, Texas and was launched in 2015.
As I am currently undergoing an episode of PTSD triggered in my life by events of the past week, I downloaded all of his material online and reached out to him. He responded back immediately and we began a communication.
Here is a sample of his poetry. A poem on Suicide:
Like a wet kiss
she asks for surrender
Like a soft whisper
Like a lover
she promises to satisfy
Like a broken record
she sings the same song
the promise of peace
Like a cheap whore
She leaves disgusted
To return tomorrow to try again
Dr. John A. King (With Permission Granted to Share)
Throughout my life “in the Church”, we have had several advocates, foundations, survivors come in to the pulpit and speak out against Sex Trafficking. For me, it became just words, a plea for an offering to be taken up and something I was FAR removed from. After all, that stuff happened in OTHER places. Far off places. Places I did not have to travel to or really give a care about. I had enough on my plate. I could not bring myself to consume more. I left it on the sidelines for others to deal with.
I knew that my younger brother and I had been sexually abused and physically tortured by our father. I knew that my brother was scarred for life. I have made public my sufferings and am writing my book “Searching for Grey” (releasing in 2019), and then there is my Blog. I felt challenged, yet comfortable in my niche I had carved out from the ruins of my childhood. Then, last week, I met Dr. John A. King through social media. He turned me inside out and upside down. I did not want to believe what he wrote. Some I could not bring myself to read. He is graphic, raw and real at the very least...originally from Australia and currently residing in the USA. I deluged him with questions as to his presentation style and use of graphic images, vulgar words and horror beyond my imagination. WHY did he have to be so “out there”. He provided no answer. He does not owe me one. Then I went to take a peek at his Instagram account with over 30,000 followers and the videos on his YouTube Channel. In shock, I realized that not only did he have a bonafide audience, they totally related to his method of delivery. How could they not? They were survivors of the atrocities he had lived through. Some were still currently undergoing the lifestyle. Many barely made it out alive.
THIS IS THE REALITY OF SEX TRAFFICKING, in our world, in our Nation. It is in our neighborhoods, it is next door, it is hidden in plain sight. His followers are completely damaged, abused, tortured, lost, without hope, having lived through atrocities most of us could not even imagine. They are raw, they are of all ages, diverse in nationalities, male, female, homosexual, transsexual, bisexual, nonsexual. They are mostly without resources, the forgotten, the discarded, homeless, addicted, conflicted, mentally ill, all of the things you would expect having had endured a lifestyle beyond comprehension.
JOHN A. KING IS THEIR HOPE, THEIR LIFELINE, THEIR SAFE PLACE. They can come to him and vent, let it out, be themselves, take off their masks, learn skills to cope and try to make a life out of the rubble of their misfortune. Some of them are inhibited; some are totally “out there”. Dr. King receives them as they are. After all, he is one of them. I brought knowledge of him and his work to my husband, my mother, a friend or two. I was told to STAY AWAY and not involve myself with such a person or issue.
The scripture plainly says: Proverbs 327 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it” - when you have it with you.
Did Jesus not welcome the sinners? The woman at the Well, Barnabus, the tax collector, the prostitute who washed His feet with her oils, the woman being stoned for having committed adultery several times. So many examples of imperfect people being used in the Bible to bring salvation to the suffering. Imperfect people who were raised up to lead in spite of their offenses. How DARE I look away. How DARE I judge Dr. King’s methods. He is going where many will not go. They refuse to go. They can’t go. They might be soiled or dirtied. They might have to deal with the real Hell that is dealt with here on earth by so many. They might have to LOOK and SEE the reality of pain and torture.
So I made a decision to promote Dr. John A. King and his work, his foundation and writings. It is my decision as I know full well that it could have very easily been the second part of my story. I was spared. I am blessed. THIS is the real deal to all of my Christian brothers and sisters who will stand aghast if they go to his website and witness his work. This is the part of ministry where the rubber meets the road. The trenches where the demons lay waiting to devour the helpless. These are little children who are being destroyed for life, by their parents, by people who pluck them out to be used for their hideous gratification.
These children are used as chattel and treated like animals. They are tortured, maimed, without help and have no way out. My brother and I were silent victims for years. We thought it was normal. Just as Dr. King points out in his writings, he felt it was the “normal way of life” for all. It was not until the age of 12 that I realized and stood against the atrocities that my father put on us and took a stand. What happened to me? I was put in a juvenile detention home and then spent the rest of my childhood in the New York Foster Care system for speaking out. People do not want to hear or see the truth. They want to hide their sins and believe they can. We, as Christians, know that once a lie is brought into the light, it must be dealt with.
Will you dare to deal with the truth of what is going on in the under belly of our society today? Dr. King also works intensively with Veterans who suffer Complex PTSD. Our Veterans are another faction of our society who have been discarded after being used to defend our rights, allow us to live out our privileges and lay down their lives for our sake. What we do to them in return is disgusting as a society. What they endure and are left with is unspeakable. We need a good swift wake up call!
I will not excuse my passion nor my invitation to LOOK into the world of Dr. John A. King. Dare if you will to be educated.
With you on the Journey,