Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, the name sounds like it perfectly describes what this disorder is and what it does to the people who suffer from it, but does it really? The definitions for obsessive and compulsive do not begin to describe the pain, torture or anguish a person with OCD must endure. How can they describe how severely a person’s mind is hijacked, overtaking all logic and ability to reason clearly? How can you describe the inability to act or the need to repeat something repeatedly even when you know you should stop?
We’ve all heard stories of someone upon leaving their home getting a sudden urge to get out of the car to go back and check if they’ve turned off the stove, a coffee pot, locked the door or whatever. Most people upon getting this overwhelming nagging urge to go back and check the item it is a safety response. Once the urgent overwhelming thought has been checked, they can now be satisfied that everything is okay and leave. For the OCD person however, the need to check over and over repeatedly is not satisfied. Instead, where logic should control the thoughts, anxiety, fear and apprehension is telling the person to continue the act else risk life and death as a consequence.
OCD is a serious form of mental illness that can paralyze a person’s ability to work or function. It doesn’t discriminate or matter a person’s wealth, occupation or intelligence. It has affected people such as Howard Hughes, Justin Timberlake, Leonardo DiCaprio, Charlize Theron, Howie Mandel, Michael Jackson and Jessica Alba to name just a few along with me. The symptoms can interfere with all aspects of life such as school, work and personal relationships. The obsessive repeated thoughts, urges or mental images cause intense anxiety.
Although OCD is a hereditary genetic disorder of chemical, structural and functional abnormalities, the compulsions are learned behaviors that become associated with relief from the anxiety. This then begins to explain why a person may wash their hands obsessively until they bleed or become raw as the washing act relieves the anxiety for the overwhelming fear of contamination or germs. Many survivors of abuse or trauma also fall into the ritualistic washing of OCD. We are trying to wash away the feelings of being dirty, ashamed, and violated so that the washing leads us to feel that we can eliminate those feelings.
OCD isn’t diagnosed until adulthood for a variety of reasons. Possibly, because the irrational thinking and need to act out the repetitious acts to calm that have developed become more pronounced as the person’s life and stresses become more involved. The mind delves into intense irrational perceived threats forcing the person to perform any act necessary for their protection.
Another reason why OCD can be difficult to diagnose, is that there are various sub-forms of OCD such as hypochondria, social anxiety/phobia, dermatillomania (skin picking), body dysmorphic disorder (Michael Jackson’s facial and skin alterations), prenatal and postpartum OCD (fear of harming or being responsible for harming the newborn), trichotillomania (hair pulling, plucking, shaving), and harm OCD (intrusive unwanted distressing thoughts of causing harm), plus several others.
Because OCD corrupts the ability to maintain reasonable thoughts during an attack, the perceived fear creates intense anxiety. Treatment can involve therapy, medication and cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) in order to control and reduce symptoms. It is known though that OCD will typically stay with the person once it has arrived. We may learn to reduce our repetitions, or some of the habits may disappear entirely, but under a stress situation, they return with a vengeance.
In my case, OCD set in at the age of 5. I’ve written a whole chapter about it in of my forth-coming book Searching for Grey. Not wanting to rewrite the chapter in this blog, I will instead focus on the some of the techniques I have used throughout my therapy that may be of help to a fellow sufferer out there.
One of the things I learned in therapy is to set a limit on the amount of repetitions, let's say washing hands for instance. Instead of continuing the repetition with no end in sight, you learn to put a number on the amount of times you will allow yourself to wash your hands. This gives a fake type of comfort to the brain that you have achieved the goal of the necessary repetition, without just letting it continue ad infinitum. Once a number has been set, you slowly back that number down say week by week until you get it to a place that might be considered “normal”. I found this to be very helpful in learning how to control my OCD in the beginning. I have been able to completely eliminate many of the ritualistic behaviors that haunted and controlled me throughout my childhood and even through to my thirties.
One of the things I write about in my book is my obsession with wrinkles in my clothing. This one obsession alone, ruled me for so many years. You probably won’t believe the hoops I would jump through because of it. I am so pleased to report that this one OCD behavior in particular has been completely eliminated from my life. Therefore, it is possible to do!
There is another behavioral trick called “taking a time out”. When we are engaged in the heat of the ritualistic behavior of OCD, our mind goes on autopilot. We may not even realize that we have been repeating the same act over and over again for over an hour. OCD has thrown me into panic attacks because it is extremely anxiety provoking. Not being able to stop, or thinking that we are not able to stop ourselves from the repetitious behavior can work us into a state of hyperventilation, which then leads to the onset of a full-blown panic attack.
Although it may take everything you have within you, the trick is to put yourself in time out, just like a child. You break away from the behavior and go to another room or place where you can sit quietly and do some deep yoga breathing. Distract yourself immediately after this has been done with another behavior, such as doing the laundry or washing the dishes. Something that is physically active that you must fully participate in so that you are totally engaged in the new activity. A passive activity such as reading or watching TV will not do the trick. This trick has also been a very effective tool that I have used in breaking the cycle of OCD.
Some ritualistic behaviors are even dangerous to our bodies and it is imperative that we learn how to stop the behavior. I remember watching a TV special on OCD. They highlighted the most outrageous repetitious actions I have ever seen in my life. One of the poor sufferers was convinced that the fecal matter in her rectum needed to be cleaned out constantly. She would use a bottle scrubber to do the job. She would insert it and scrub over and over again until the bathtub was completely filled with blood. Her mother or father would have to scoop her up and take her to the hospital for stitches, or she would have bled out. I am not looking to shock you but rather to prove the point that OCD is something that can destroy a person's life. Just the time alone spent on the repetitious act, reduces our productivity and well-being in life.
There are also many very good psychiatric medications that can be used to help control the impulses we feel when we suffer from OCD. If you have never been medicated to help you with this disorder, I would encourage you to talk with your psychiatrist about the medications used to treat OCD.
Lastly, meditation, yoga, and regular exercise is important as all of these things lend themselves to putting our bodies into a more calm and controlled state. I personally feel that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has at the root of it anxiety issues. The OCD is the symptom or display of the severe anxiety the sufferer is feeling from either a trauma issue that might have occurred in the past or feelings of inferiority and other insecurities that they are trying to compensate for.
Like you, I have suffered from OCD. I hope that you will take the time to try some of the methods I have described above. I promise you they work. I know because they have worked for me and I would say the majority of my OCD is under control at this stage of my life.
With you on the journey, Alice